More Than One Way To Catch A Cheat

To Cacth A Cheat

If you've ever suspected your man of cheating, you know the all-consuming desire to confirm your inclinations. Before you follow your husband to work and go ballistic on every woman in his office, New Orleans private investigator Brianne Joseph says leave the stake outs to the pros. ESSENCE.com spoke to Joseph to find out how to do some investigation of your own and when to decide to call in an expert to bring him down.

Show Me A Sign

It's important to recognize the signs of cheating, Brianne says. There are two very common types of cheating behavior--polite disengagement and confused engagement.

1) With polite disengagement, the cheater is still interested in his partner, but is in love with someone else. You might notice him have a sudden need for more space. He will often be more protective over his laundry and telephone.

2) With confused engagement, the cheater is in love with his partner and also in love with someone else. His behavior is manic. His affection will increase and decrease dramatically.

Jot It Down

Joseph recommends that her clients keep a journal to document what their partners say. "I tell them to ask their partners a question and write down their answer and then ask them the same question a few weeks later," Joseph suggests. "Nine out of ten times they'll get caught in a lie."

Change It Up

"I also tell people to switch up their routines," Joseph says. "Cheaters will cheat based on your routine. If you switch it up on them and come home early or late, you might catch them like that too."

Do Not Follow Him

If you're not a licensed private investigator you could get in big trouble following your man around. "Don't take it upon yourself to follow anybody It could be interpreted as stalking," Joseph warns.

Time to Call A Pro

Sadly, Joseph says nine out of times, when clients come to her with suspicions that their partners are cheating, their hunch is usually right. "For you to hire a PI, something is already telling you that things aren't right," Joseph says. She's just coming in to give them the proof that they need. "I document the evidence that you already assume and gather information so you can make an informed decision about what to do next."

The First Step

Before she goes out looking for evidence Joseph chats with her clients to learn their partners patterns so she can decide where to be and when to be there to have the best chance at catching the cheaters. "Most people cheat during their lunch break and after work [and] most of the time it's at someone's home," Joseph notes.

Licensed to Stalk

Joseph follows the cheaters around in a surveillance van, collecting video evidence of their activities. In cases where the surveillance might be used in court, she often has to gather multiple instances of infidelity so her clients can build a strong case.

The Pay Back

Here's where spending money on a private investigator can pay off: "The evidence is useful for divorce cases," Joseph says. "It could be advantageous in court. Judges will rule more in your favor if you have proof of infidelity and it really plays a part in the division of property."

About Brianne Joseph

Thirty-two-year-old Brianne Joseph has been a licensed private investigator for the past four years. She is currently establishing her own firm, Sly Fox Investigation, that will specialize in domestic investigation, including infidelity, domestic violence and child negligence.

9 Pro's For Prenups

Need Protection?

When news of Tiger Woods renegotiating his and Elin's prenuptial agreement to compensate her for sticking with him through his sex addiction ordeal broke, a lot of us were not surprised. Back in December it was reported that Woods offered to pay his wife $55 million if she stuck it out with hm for two more years.

While pay off for getting it in writing may not be as high for us ordinary girls, signing a prenuptial agreement can be pretty beneficial.

"There's this misunderstanding that prenups are never good for the woman," says Arlene Dubin, a New York Marital Lawyer and author of "Prenups for Lovers". "The reality is both the man and the woman will have a lawyer who will look out for their interests."

And protecting your interests is what it's all about. Here are our nine reasons why a prenup is a good idea.

1. You Want to Start Off Strong

A prenup requires the two people entering into the agreement to disclose all of their financial identities. "What I find is that people come out of that practice feeling better and feeling like they know [their partners] better," Emily Doskow, a Berkely, Calif. family attorney and editor of "Prenuptial Agreements: How to Write a Fair and Lasting Contract" says. Being able to discuss your financial history and future plans openly with your partner can ensure that your marriage has a firm foundation built on honesty and trust. "It starts everything on the right foot," Dubin adds.

2. You're the Boss

If the women-out-earning-men trend continues, it's very possible that you'll be the one bringing home the bacon in your marriage. Should your union dissolve, you don't want all the assets you've acquired to go right along with it.

3. You're a Business Owner

Your ex-husband could become part owner of your business after you split. "In most states, the value of a business is considered marital property. Your spouse could have a claim for up to 50 percent of the business' worth. How are you going to get the money to pay for it?" Dubin asks. "That causes a lot of business owners to liquidate."

Your spouse could stake claim to half of your intellectual property too, Dubin says. If you write a screenplay or a book or record an album, "that's an intangible asset which has value when you're looking at the marital pot."

4. People Change

Most people don't enter into marriages expecting them to end, but. if the divorce rate is any indication, stuff happens. As humans, we are always evolving. Sadly, sometimes our spouses don't evolve with us and we need to move on. We might not want to leave all our money behind when we go. ...We're just saying.

5. You've Been Down This Road Before

Things get tricky on the second go around. If you have kids from a previous marriage or relationship, a prenuptial agreement will ensure that, should you pass away, every one in your family receives their share of your assets.

"It's very common for people going into a second marriage to get a prenuptial agreement," Doskow says. "A prenup can really avoid conflict. It can set what I am leaving to you my spouse and what I am leaving to my children."

Also, Dubin notes if a woman re-marries she could be in jeopardy of losing her spousal support. She may want to create a clause in her prenuptial agreement that makes up for the loss.

6. You're Not a Working Girl

If you plan on changing your career to homemaker/stay-at-home mom, you need to make sure that the both you and your husband value your non-monetary contributions to the marriage as much as you do his financial donations. "If a woman is making sacrifices for the marriage, she wants to make sure that if anything happens she'll be alright," Dubin says. "[A couple] should put the principle of sharing regardless of what type of contribution up front."

7. He's In Too Deep

When you get married, you don't just inherit his family. You also inherit his debt and even if you split up, that debt sticks around. You can ensure that you're not responsible for his obligations with a prenuptial agreement.

"One good way is to identify the premarital debt so that that will be separate," Doskow says. "The other thing that you can do is say that you don't want to have any communal property."

8. It's the Cheaper Alternative

If your relationships gets tapped out, would you rather pay tons of legal fees to protect your interest, or would you rather already have them protected in a legally binding agreement that you and your husband signed before getting married?

"Getting a prenup is expensive but it's a lot cheaper than going through a litigated divorce where lawyers spend a huge numbers of hours at a huge rate fighting about everything," Doskow points out.

9. Security=Less Stress

Knowing that you're protected should anything happen, relieves stress and arguments over money, which is one of the main reasons why couple's split. If you're fighting about money less, you may have more of a chance at making it.

"If somebody is the lower earner and they are worried about their future, having a prenup that says if we divorce, you get a lump sum, at least that person knows [he or she] won't have to litigate for support and that there's something there for [him or her]," Doskow explains. "It can create a greater sense of security that can lead to less stress over money."